


What's Not to Love?

by stevegrogers



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Gay, M/M, Stucky - Freeform, capxbucky, gay af
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-17
Updated: 2015-01-17
Packaged: 2018-03-07 23:01:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,118
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3186539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stevegrogers/pseuds/stevegrogers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve has just gotten over Bucky, and he's doing okay. He really is. He can't forgive himself, of course, for the way Bucky died, or for the fact that it was on his watch, but he's accepted that Bucky is gone, and he's not coming back.</p>
<p>Right?</p>
            </blockquote>





	What's Not to Love?

"Come on, Steve," Natasha calls. She knocks on his apartment door again. "You can't just sit around all day like this."

 

"Yes, I can," Steve calls back. He's sitting in his recliner staring at the wall, empty expression on his face. 

 

In all honesty, Natasha should've expected this. 

 

Today is The Day, the anniversary of when Steve had lost Bucky, and he was still really struggling to forgive himself. He knew it wasn't his fault, not really, not in the fact that he'd shoved Bucky off the train or anything, but...Bucky was gone. He was gone, and it had been on Steve's watch.

 

"Steve, open the door," Natasha says more softly. She knows Steve is struggling and really wants to help, but isn't really sure how she can.

 

"I...I can't right now, Tash," Steve replies. His gaze on the wall is still so empty. He feels nothing. "Sorry. I just." Steve swallows. "I can't."

 

* * *

Steve can't breathe. 

 

He knows he's dreaming as soon as it starts happening, but dread starts to pool in his stomach when he realizes he knows the scenery.

 

_"No,"_ he chokes. It's like this most nights. He's hanging off the edge of the train, hand reaching for Bucky, wanting so badly to grab him. Then all he can do is watch, watch as Bucky falls, falls, falls, screaming, and there's nothing he can do. And it repeats – as soon as Bucky is out of sight, it starts over again, Steve straining so much that when he wakes up, his shoulder is sore.

 

Steve sits up, buries his face in his hands. He allows himself to weep, to grieve, though he knows it's been years and years since Bucky's death. 

 

Bucky was Steve's best friend, the only one he ever had, and Steve knows that the world will never be the same without him.

 

* * *

Steve is asleep when it happens. He can hear Natasha's voice on the other side of the door before the knocks start. She sounds bright, cheery, and honestly, Steve isn't in the mood for it. After watching Bucky die again four or five times in his dream the night before, he was feeling restless and irritable. 

 

"Tash, go away," he groans, rubbing at his eyes and trudging his way to the kitchen. She yells something in response, but Steve is too busy rummaging through his fridge, and hears nothing. "Hold on!" Rolling his eyes, he makes his way to the door, sipping from his glass of orange juice as he turns the locks. He pulls the door open, prepared to give Natasha a slightly sardonic smile, but Natasha isn't alone there.

 

The glass of juice slips through Steve's fingers and a choked noise passes his lips. He stumbles back, suddenly having trouble breathing, and his chest feels as though it's on fire.

 

"Steve," the oh-so-familiar voice says, "I need you to breathe."

 

Steve sobs at the sound, because that's Bucky's voice. That's Bucky's voice, and he would know it anywhere. So now Steve really can't breathe, because he's bent at the waist and is sobbing  _so hard._ And instantly, Bucky has got an armful of Steve hugging him, gripping so tightly at his shoulders and sobbing into his neck.

 

Steve can't really say much at all, he can just gasp, "Bucky, Bucky, Bucky," in between sobs. There isn't _enough_ of him, there isn't enough to hug, and Steve feels panicked because there's no way this can be  _real._ There's no  _way._ That makes him cry harder, especially when Bucky starts to rub his back and ruffle his hair, just like he used to.

 

"No. You can't be here," Steve breathes, abruptly pulling back. His face is red and splotchy, and his eyes are swollen. "You can't. You're dead, Bucky, you're  _dead,_ and it's  _my fault!"_ He's yelling now, and he's sure he looks and sounds ridiculous, but he's confused and terrified, and his  _dead best friend_ is smiling at him.

 

"Steve," Natasha says slowly, carefully approaching him. She puts both hands on his shoulders, and he tenses. "Steve, he...he's not dead. He's here, he's real. He's right in front of you. I've brought him home to you."

  
"How...?" he chokes.

 

"Don't worry about that." Natasha gives Steve a small smile. "You know I have my ways."

 

Steve's smile suddenly splits across his face, and he grabs Natasha up in his arms and hugs her. She laughs, surprised, and hugs him back.

 

"Don't make me jealous over here," Bucky calls, smirking, and to Natasha's surprise, Steve blushes. 

 

"Steve...blushing?" she grins, and Bucky laughs, making Steve's blush deepen.

 

"Stop it," he whines, turning away to hide his red cheeks. Bucky just laughs and hugs Steve again, and how could Steve not hug him back? He can't stop smiling as he hugs him back, and Bucky can feel it against his skin.

 

 

* * *

 

"You have to tell me," Steve says quietly. "How you're not dead, I mean."

 

They're both pooled on the floor of the living room, practically drowning in blankets. Steve is pressed against Bucky's side, not wanting to move in case he disappears. 

 

"One day," Bucky says, "but not tonight, Steve."

 

"Why?" Steve pouts, really wanting to know, and Bucky shoots him a knowing smile, causing Steve's lower stomach to tighten. He blushes again, breaking eye contact with Bucky. He is suddenly reminded of being a stupid teenager with Bucky, loosened up and freed by alcohol. He suddenly remembers the way beer tastes on Bucky's lips, the first time they'd kissed, and his blush deepens. 

 

"Penny for your thoughts?" Bucky asks lightly, thumb tracing along Steve's cheek.

 

Steve shakes his head. "You don't want to know."

 

"I think I do," Bucky says quietly, voice slightly husky, and then he's inching closer and closer to Steve, slowly, wanting to give him time to move away if he wants to. Steve doesn't move away, though, he inches in closer and presses his mouth firmly to Bucky's. Immediately, his arms latch around Bucky's neck, everything so  _familiar_ and  _right,_ and Bucky's hands are so warm and large on his hips and Steve suddenly realizes that this is Heaven. Kissing Bucky is his Heaven, and there is nowhere he'd rather be. "I never stopped loving you," Bucky says quietly against Steve's lips.

 

Steve smiles. "I never stopped loving you, either."

 

Bucky smirks. "What's not to love?"

 

Steve rolls his eyes, pulling back, but Bucky pulls him in closer and kisses him again, still smiling, mouths meeting clumsily because they're both grinning, and then Bucky squeezes at Steve's hips and the blonde laughs, squirming his way free.

 

"I love you, Steve," Bucky says, so softly, so happy.

 

Steve just grins. "What's not to love?" 


End file.
